8 ball

things have been different in my life lately. i don't want to get to mushy gushy on here but i have entered a relationship and so much has changed in my social life. i have gotten something i have always wanted but at what costs. i will not talk about it because this aint a gossip column. but it has kind of been overwhelming and new and my thoughts are discombobulated a lot. so today i will try to combobulate them via a photography dump :)

in the recent weeks i have played a lot of pool. i am so bad at pool but i love to play it because it is a very magical game to me. i feel like the balls call to you, and tell you which one to hit. sometimes the 7 ball just sticks out to you even if it seems impossible to score with. and then you aim for the 7 ball and nothing helpful happens but it still felt like the right thing to do. its a very intuitive game for me. i don't know if this is a shared phenomenon but i appreciate it. even though i never win i still feel in communication with the balls. i feel like we lose together. i know this makes no sense but i've been relying on my intuition a lot lately. and not to brag but i am almost always right. 

maybe i will write a poem or song or something about my new loves and losses. but i gotta lock in a little first. so maybe next week.

P.S. club i have made the executive decision to attach this site to my vassar application. i know this blog is a cool little secret but i want them to see it because i work so hard on it and i love my club

P.P.S. you can not guess who i am dating from these pics loooool

blister in the sun

 club this is my first time posting real recorded music on here!!!

my side project Xenophon dropped a little something something on bandcamp and i need to show you all! its a live recording of a cover we did at an open mic for noor magazine.

Blister in the Sun by Xenophon

go listen :)

p.s. i'll be back shortly with more posts. i have so many photographs to show you because i reverse engineered by camera and fixed it <3

icarobot

 my return is nigh. life has been very hectic i'm sure you understand. but I think about the club every night and every day. happy halloween by the way.

today i want to speak on the stop motion film I made in 4 hours a couple weeks ago. its called icarobot and the search for sun and its on my youtube right now!!!

i honestly already wrote all my thoughts on its production when i was making it so here are my notes from my sacred notebook:

everything that needs to be said has already been said. except for this: i enjoyed this spontaneous act of creation. i had no real reason to do this on a random thursday night. but i did it anyways, alone in my room, only accompanied by Sufjan Stevens and my little robot actor. i think more people need to do this. I think i need to do this more. it's different because it was inconvenient. when art is inconvenient and you still do it, it means you really like it. this was weirdly affirming in the moment. i feel like other artists, especially film makers, are more real than me. after I uploaded this video i admit i felt a sense of pride. maybe to be good you just have to like it? or maybe being good doesn't matter as long as you like it? i'll get back to you on that. 

what else has been happening since october 14? too many things. i fear I've been writing in a real diary instead of my favorite online void. i don't want to get too much into it, but in a quick bulleted list i can give you my creative pursuits:

• performed at an open mic with Xenophon (check my projects page) and will be releasing some demos soon -- possibly tonight?
• hosted and organized a show with 7 bands
• was the cinematographer for a student film about spies and detectives and briefcases
• got back on my photography grind finally!!!!!

the last bullet is half true. i mean that i started bringing around a casual point-n-shoot again and I've been capturing my lovely life again. i went to the park and saw my friends and celebrated Diwali this weekend. let me show you:

i've really missed this... but i miss my camera more. you see, these pictures were taken on some random fujifilm camera that i never use. i broke the button on my lumix dmc lz3 and now in order to take a picture i must stick the needle of my earring into a hole and push down. this is very annoying. so i'm thinkin I do some real engineering tinkering robotics shit and remove the button of my OTHER lumix dmc lz3 that doesn't work and put it on my current lz3. are you following? 

i have a lot of things on my mind but they aren't blog-appropriate. honestly I think a diary has been really helpful lately and everyone should consider getting one. i also started a dream journal which has been quite reflective too. i realized I have this reoccurring dream of having too many cats. usually there are clones upon clones of my cats and they are covering the floor of my house and jumping out windows and i can't keep them all inside. they are leaving and I can't protect them! i think this dream appears when I am overwhelmed in my life. stress dreams are weird.

i leave you today even when I don't want to. i have other matters to attend to. before I depart i leave you with my favorite lyric as of late:

Drunk girls know that love is an astronaut

(Drunk girls)

It comes back, but it's never the same

Drunk Girls by LCD Soundsystem

This doesn't really relate to my life at all but i just like it.