Showing posts with label writes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label writes. Show all posts

2.26.2025

computer number 3

good news my club, i have a new computer once again!!! it is a macbook pro from 2016 and it has half peeled stickers on it of sea creatures and ghosts. i will not be removing them. i hope to not have anymore laptops after this one for at least 6 months. however no one talks about the complicated transition to a new computer. i have done it too many times recently. to be honest i miss my laptop from middle school. it had puffy stickers on every inch of the keyboard. it was heavy as hell and my dad would have to use it in public sometimes.

now i am transitioning to this smooth macbook (my first ever mac, might i add) from my slow dell laptop. but my slow dell laptop has all my things. all my passwords and videos and my softwares. but this computer is slick and was gifted to me by someone i love! and it blogs so quick.

one resolution of mine is to blog weekly again. it was very freeing. i love you blog. today i will talk about my recent trip to belize. actually i am kind of sleepy and its almost 11 pm. so i will show my scrapbook scans and be gone for a minute.

in other news, i am really into writing letters. maybe that's why i haven't been online: i am analog now?! no i will never be analog and we all know this. in fact i am more obsessed with robots than ever before.



i also went to the library and borrowed some dvds to watch

i love dvds.
reviews are soon to come

1.26.2025

amtrak to boston

i write this on my phone because my laptop is once again so broken. i need the robots to come in and repair it. but for now i have an hour left to boston as i sit with my two sleeping best friends. we all woke up too early.

i feel like i need to embrace writing again. i need my life to slow down. i need to be creative. that’s why i brought my travel scrapbook with me to boston so i can stitch together these moments and enjoy them too. i’ve been reading We by Yevgeny Zaymatin and writing more music and watching a lot of movies. albeit bad movies but they just make you appreciate the good ones more. my favorite movie i've seen in the year of our lord 2025 so far is Twelve Angry Men. i am the thirteenth angry man because i was really hoping it was not that good and it’s just pretentious people praising it, but it was really good unfortunately. it makes me want to go to the theatre and watch a play. maybe even write a play one day, but i need to write a movie first.

i am on a break from school, and i intended to start writing my short film but instead i’m going to boston. a lot of great films take place in boston, so maybe inspiration is nigh. i think my film will be about microscopes because i have 5 of them and i think they could be utilized. maybe it’s a drama about a boy who wants to live life at the microscopic level. maybe it’s a psychological thriller about an obsessed lover who must observe every millimeter of their girlfriend. maybe it’s a low budget sci-fi about a rapidly multiplying alien cell, so rapid that 5 microscopes are needed to look at it. i am not sure yet but i have ideas.

i went to the metropolitan museum of art in december and took lots of reference images, but this one sticks with me. i want to replicate this, maybe not in the microscope film, but another. or maybe all of the microscopes assume the positions around jesus and the mad scientist lays in the middle. i am not sure.

i took a lot of pictures in the met anyways, mostly of reflections and windows. there’s too many to dump here so take 3.



maybe the rest will be revealed later.

this post was to express my hope for the future and my creative endeavors. a lot is happening in my life now but also nothing at all? are things closing up or opening i don’t know. i will find out soon enough. maybe the answer is in boston written in the harbor with tea leaves. maybe the answer is from my pair of friends. maybe my answer is asleep at home. 

boston vlog coming soon? 2025 is the year of youtube. only 3 months until the blogaversary

1.11.2025

dog eyes

 i am sick with norovirus but i miss my blog badly. happy 2025 my club. the blogaversary is coming up soon!

to keep you fulfilled i am going to post some analysis i did on the phrase "dog eyed" in homeric poetry.

i was reminded of this writing by song lyrics i wrote with my friend:

dog eyed runner where do you run

with chaos walking beside you 

These 3 scenes all use the same word: κῠνώπης, derived from κῠ́ων (dog) and ὤψ (eye/face). Literally, it means “dog-eyed” or “dog-faced.” It is always some sort of insult, usually directed at women. Clytemnestra is shameless in killing her husband. Helen is shameless in starting a ten-year war. So it is especially impactful when Achilles calls Agamemnon κῠνώπης. 

I wanted to observe the significance of κῠνώπης as it relates to dogs and women. This word seems reserved for the most despicable of women, as Agamemmnon describes Clytemnestra in Book 11. He says there is nothing more κύντερον (translated as “shameless”) than a woman who has this much passion in an act like this, murdering her husband. κύντερον also has origins from κῠ́ων and it literally means “dog-like.” Murray’s translation of the word in the Odyssey reminds us of Priam’s speech in Book 22 of the Iliad; dogs feast upon their masters without a shred of shame. Dogs are seen as shameless beings, living with no regrets of their desecration, only looking for gluttonous gratification without considering others. While Clytemnestra obviously did not consider Agamemnon’s feelings in his murder, how does Helen relate to this? 

κῠνώπης is reminiscent of the English phrase “puppy eyes,” used to describe big, soft, vulnerable eyes that could persuade anyone to do anything. I feel like a similar idea is applied to κῠνώπης , but with an emphasis on shameless and selfish seduction, only demonstrated by conniving women. 

Clytemnestra is generally known as Ancient Greece’s worst wife, as shown in Book 11 of the Odyssey. This speech is told by Agamemmnon, husband and victim to Clytemnestra. He describes her with utmost hatred, trying to convince Odysseus of her evilness, with imagery of how once she killed him she turned away (νοσφίσατ᾽, οὐδέ μοι ἔτλη). Clytemnestra even refused to shut his eyes, a custom of respect for the dead (Od 4.426). Agamemnon speaks with a bite in his tone, as seen in the alliteration of ‘τ’ in line 428 (ἥ τις δὴ τοιαῦτα μετὰ φρεσὶν ἔργα βάληται), discussing her premeditated action. He emphasizes Clytemnestra’s agency in her deed, her conscious choice to kill her. There is a repetition of ἔργα... ἔργον (Od 11.428–439), accentuating the gravity and deliberateness of her betrayal. He finishes his speech with a bold and generalizing statement: her actions put shame unto all women, even those of the future (Od 4.434-435). He employs the comparative of θῆλυς (female) in line 435, adding to the generality of the statement. 

The passage from Book 4 is very revealing of Helen’s character. Here, she is portrayed as self-aware, critically thinking, and having emotional depth. She opens with a rhetorical question to Menelaus (Od 4.138-139), highlighting her perceptiveness as an individual, not needing validation or a response. Her speech flows from one line to another with enjambment (Od 4.144-145), showcasing her spontaneous thought but also depth of feeling. She uses epithets for both her husband Menelaus (Μενέλαε διοτρεφές) and Odysseus (Ὀδυσσῆος μεγαλήτορος), portraying them as divine and heroic to Telemachus, while she is κυνώπιδος (line 145). Overall, her speech is riddled with guilt, as she feels to blame for the loss of Odysseus. Still, Helen displays that she is more than a pawn in a war or a wife. 

Finally, Achilles uses κῠνώπης to describe Agamemnon in a heated argument over Briseis, a war bride that Agamemnon took from Achilles. The use of κῠνώπης is most insulting here, as describing a man and his self-gratifying impulses. Achilles’ speech is full of rage and pride. His repetition of negative phrases like οὐ γὰρ πώποτ᾽ (Il 1.154) οὐδὲ μὲν… οὐδέ ποτ᾽ (Il 1.154-55)  οὔ τι μετατρέπῃ οὐδ᾽ (Il 1.160) suggest his absolute refusal and feelings of betrayal. He alludes to his past in Phthia with flourishing language (ἐριβώλακι), evoking pathos for his leaving of home just to be cheated by Agamemnon. Adding to the emotional intensity, Achilles uses direct address to Agamemnon (ὦ μέγ᾽ ἀναιδὲς), calling him shameless, and later κῠνώπης as well. κῠνώπης fits perfectly into Achilles’ upset, the ideal insult in this moment of wrath and Agamemnon’s sexually-charged prideful impulses.


12.06.2024

fortune cookies and college

today in my packed lunch box my mom put a fortune cookie. 

i have a ritual when it comes to fortune cookies. i crack it in half with the pointy sides facing me. i eat the left half, with the fortune poking out of the other half. it is exciting as i eat the cookie because the fortune is right there, teasing me, and i can only read some of the lucky numbers. i eat the half quickly and then pull out the fortune and read it as i eat the remaining half.

i followed the steps as usual today. sometimes the fortune is phrased more as advice. this fortune read "Write a thank you note to someone today." i showed it to my best friend and wondered who i would write this note to.

about 3 hours later i got accepted into my dream school, vassar college. i was on a tennis court with my best friend, shaking, but i was at the deli when i got the email to check the portal. i waited for my pastrami sandwich and ran back to the court. i left behind my deli companions because they did not understand my state of panic.

after the tennis game and a lot of screaming me and my bestfriend went to the oculus at world trade center. we were meandering in the mall when we ran into 2 girls from our school. they told us that there was an art exhibit in the mall called the stranger project, where you can read and write anonymous letters put on display. i realized this is where my thank you note would be written.

i wrote my letter to my five friends, thanking them for this intersection of our lives. vassar's acceptance was such a surreal experience but mainly because i realized that the next 4 years of my life would be drastically different, and i began to prematurely mourn my current life. so i thanked my five core friends for the time we have had and the fleeting months we have left. i wrote about how sometimes we make each other go through hell but i will miss hell.

later i went out to dinner with my family to celebrate. my mom had me write 3 thank you texts to the people who helped me with my application. i just ended up thanking a lot of people today. and thank you vassar if you're seeing this (and didn't delete the file with this link even though I asked). 

so was the fortune cookie cosmic fate? i think a lot of cosmic things have been happening to me lately. i wrote about intuition last post a bit and the next day i got a fortune that said "Trust in your intuition; it is your compass." i am not sure what to make of this spiritual awakening (although i don't feel awake spiritually, i feel spiritually bombarded). i guess i will update on the behavior of my cosmos.

here's proof of my fortunes:


'

i cant believe i had a packed lunch and a college acceptance in the same day.

11.04.2024

icarobot

 my return is nigh. life has been very hectic i'm sure you understand. but I think about the club every night and every day. happy halloween by the way.

today i want to speak on the stop motion film I made in 4 hours a couple weeks ago. its called icarobot and the search for sun and its on my youtube right now!!!


i honestly already wrote all my thoughts on its production when i was making it so here are my notes from my sacred notebook:


everything that needs to be said has already been said. except for this: i enjoyed this spontaneous act of creation. i had no real reason to do this on a random thursday night. but i did it anyways, alone in my room, only accompanied by Sufjan Stevens and my little robot actor. i think more people need to do this. I think i need to do this more. it's different because it was inconvenient. when art is inconvenient and you still do it, it means you really like it. this was weirdly affirming in the moment. i feel like other artists, especially film makers, are more real than me. after I uploaded this video i admit i felt a sense of pride. maybe to be good you just have to like it? or maybe being good doesn't matter as long as you like it? i'll get back to you on that. 

what else has been happening since october 14? too many things. i fear I've been writing in a real diary instead of my favorite online void. i don't want to get too much into it, but in a quick bulleted list i can give you my creative pursuits:
  • performed at an open mic with Xenophon (check my projects page) and will be releasing some demos soon -- possibly tonight?
  • hosted and organized a show with 7 bands
  • was the cinematographer for a student film about spies and detectives and briefcases
  • got back on my photography grind finally!!!!!
the last bullet is half true. i mean that i started bringing around a casual point-n-shoot again and I've been capturing my lovely life again. i went to the park and saw my friends and celebrated Diwali this weekend. let me show you:








i've really missed this... but i miss my camera more. you see, these pictures were taken on some random fujifilm camera that i never use. i broke the button on my lumix dmc lz3 and now in order to take a picture i must stick the needle of my earring into a hole and push down. this is very annoying. so i'm thinkin I do some real engineering tinkering robotics shit and remove the button of my OTHER lumix dmc lz3 that doesn't work and put it on my current lz3. are you following? 

i have a lot of things on my mind but they aren't blog-appropriate. honestly I think a diary has been really helpful lately and everyone should consider getting one. i also started a dream journal which has been quite reflective too. i realized I have this reoccurring dream of having too many cats. usually there are clones upon clones of my cats and they are covering the floor of my house and jumping out windows and i can't keep them all inside. they are leaving and I can't protect them! i think this dream appears when I am overwhelmed in my life. stress dreams are weird.

i leave you today even when I don't want to. i have other matters to attend to. before I depart i leave you with my favorite lyric as of late:

Drunk girls know that love is an astronaut
(Drunk girls)
It comes back, but it's never the same

Drunk Girls by LCD Soundsystem

This doesn't really relate to my life at all but i just like it. 



10.14.2024

back on my feet / farmer's luck

for the past 2 weeks i have been on crutches. but yesterday i walked again. at least it was yesterday when i started writing this post (3 days ago).

club i apologize. i have never done anything like this to you. but i was literally on crutches and hobbling around and i would get home and pass out instantaneously! this is why i have been on such a terrible hiatus! but now i'm back. just in time for college season when i will prob take more extended leaves if i'm being honest. but today, i'm back. 

during my crutches time i was basically bedridden and thus i did a lot of things: sleeping, homework, and movies! i have watched 8 movies since i was hit by that car and they have made me very happy. i've been reminded of all the things I want to try in the world, so there's a silver lining in all of this. actually i think there have been many.

this whole near-death experience reminded me of the tale of the farmer's luck. i first read it in a book called Zen Shorts, a children's picture book about a panda named Stillwater, but i think the story is originally Taoist. this is my retelling:

there once was a farmer and he had a horse. but one day his horse ran away. all the townspeople said "oh no your horse! what bad luck!" and the farmer was like maybe idk. 

then the next day his horse came back and it brought 10 horses with it! and the townspeople said "oh my so many horses! what good luck!" and the farmer said i guess so idk.

later in the week, the farmer's son tries to ride one of the new wild horses. the horse throws him off the saddle and the boy injures his legs and he's walking around on crutches now (like me). all the townspeople said "oh dear your son! what bad luck!" and the farmer was like i'm not so sure.

a couple days later, military recruiters come by to draft the son in the war. but they see him and his crutches and they passed on him. the townspeople see this and say "oh lovely! such good luck!" and the farmer said maybe.

the story exists to remind you it's all about perspective and that at least you're not getting drafted into the military. and for that i am grateful. some good things about things about getting hit by a car are as follows:

  • my pecs and left calf got super muscular from the crutches because it's a calisthenics workout no matter what you do
  • i did a ton of college stuff because i couldn't do anything else and now i don't have to do it when i have the option to do fun stuff
  • my friends brought me cookies
  • a man in the subway saw my foot brace and asked "how'd ya bust your flipper?" which is an exchange i wouldn't have experienced if i didn't bust my flipper in the first place
  • generally made me thankful for the ability to walk
  • filled me with ideas of what to do when i could walk, which was both sad because i couldn't do them in the moment, but also good because now i have things i'm excited for
  • i watched a bunch of movies which i already said but i love movies! Riddle of Fire was my favorite and i think i'm gonna have to write a whole separate post about that
there are some sad things too of course. is it worth it to mention them?
  • my cats were scared of my crutches and i virtually couldn't touch them for 2 weeks
  • the night pains. oh, the night pains
  • rethinking everything i did that morning that led to me taking that specific road at that specific time
  • had to call my mom and tell her I was in an ambulance
  • dreams of being paralyzed!
enough of that. I just figured it's only fair to show both sides of my experience. i truly did flip around constantly like the farmer's luck. now I am still wearing the boot and i'm very slow to walk anywhere and i sound like a pirate with a peg leg traversing a ship deck. my stitches came out and my knee bends as normal. i don't ice my foot anymore. 

usually I have some pictures or something to put at the end of my text posts, but honestly I haven't been taking many pictures because 1. i didn't go anywhere, 2. it's hard to get a camera out when you're on crutches, and 3. my main camera is broken. so I will leave tonight with a picture of Stillwater the panda. 

topics soon to come are:
  • my upcoming photoshoots inspired by many ancient greek deities
  • Riddle of Fire review
  • linking this sacred blog on my Vassar applications (controversial)
  • the song i wrote with my friend to process our falling out (emotional)
good night club


9.17.2024

lock in o clock

 Hey club... I feel like i haven't been giving you any attention lately. that's because its Lock In O Clock.

i have been so locked in. I have so much to do and i am doing all of it. but today I extra locked in and I have no immediate homework to do right now and I have like an hour to kill and I am in a fancy tea shop so I figured i would get back on the blog.

thus, I am going to talk about myself for a while. and media and art and stuff.

I have been reading Meet Me in the Bathroom: Rebirth and Rock and Roll in New York City 2001–2011 by Lizzy Goodman. it is a super thick oral history of the rock age in NYC (think Strokes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Interpol, etc.) and I love it. as a biproduct I have been obsessed with electroclash, like Ladytron and Peaches, even though in the book everyone hates electroclash. I also love Karen O all over again. Y Control is probably my song of the year. I am only like a third through the book and I fear it is preventing me from reading other things. I really want to read Dante's Inferno because of Virgil and Hell. 

I also really want to read The Odyssey translated by Emily Wilson because I overtranslated Book 9 for Greek class and now I feel on par with her skill (jk). I met her in May and she was so cool. She was covered in tattoos and did an amazing impression of Priam in the Illiad, reading in the dactylic hexameter and everything. I have been generally obsessed with Greek mythology for a long time, but right now I really want to watch mythological movies. I think this is because I binged Kaos (2024) on Netflix and the Eurydice song is a new guilty pleasure of mine. Hopefully soon I will leave Locked In Land and watch some movies. I especially want to see Gladiator (2000), O Brother Where Art Thou? (2000), Jason and the Argonauts (1963), and Elektra, My Love (1974). Classics fans love to be picky about movie adaptations, but what is the fun in following the myth to a tee? Then you know exactly what happens.

last obsession for today is my film camera. my grandparents gave me 2 cameras last year: a Pentax SP500 and a Nikon N2020. both are super old. the pentax is ancient. But i asked my friend to check out the N2020 and fix it for me and he did. I got very excited and bought a roll of film for like $18. and then i go to try it out. and it does not turn on. Apparently my friend forgot to put some essential parts of the camera back into it. so then I try the pentax just for fun. but it also does not turn on. and I can't even open the battery compartment. and then i google the manual and it is so old. i am going to show pictures from it after this. but through the manual I find out it only takes mercury batteries. so I was about to open this compartment and get mercury poisoning probably. hopefully tomorrow my friend will give me the parts to my camera. and I can take some super cool film pics. 





i will never betray my digital camera. even though I accidentally broke it this week and now to take a photo I must use the wiring of my earring to push down on the shutter. but one thing my friend said was that he likes film more because it is much more intentional. I reject that notion. i love digital because of how accessible it is, how i can capture a moment so effortlessly. after all, why would I want to remember the moment for how hard it was to take? when you live through moments, they should not be hard.

one of my favorite pics I've taken is this one:

because it feels so much like that day and that memory. as I type this I am like 2 blocks away from where it was taken, and i think about whenever i walk past it. i wont lie the picture is better in my head and definitely better on my phone but whatever.

not only have i been locked in, but there has also been a lot of drama in my life. i got into a fight over film. i have been invited and then uninvited and then reinvited to a party (i didn't go). there was a bomb threat at my school and we were evacuated for 2 hours?? this was all in the past week.

i have to leave this tea shop. i have sat here for a long time with a $5 lavender lemonade that I was 5 cents short for and the barista had to bail me out. i have to meet with my cousin to get some clothes from her on E Houston. and i have to go to a meeting to plan out an epic Halloween show at 6:30. 

i have other topics to type about including but not limited to:

  • my guitar teacher moving to nashville
  • videos of 1950s alaska i have found
  • whether or not to put this blog on my college apps
  • my waste of an adobe subscription
coming soon ;0


8.18.2024

august overwhelms

as the summer wraps up, i have no time but also too much, and i feel like I'm drowning in everything i have dedicated myself to. i will have a full day with no plans, and knowing all the things i could (and have to) do, my mind starts whirring like a dell laptop downloading minecraft and my head blows up and then i do none of my things. not only do i need to do a 1500-word research paper draft, a 650-word personal essay draft, my greek summer homework, and edit a video for my internship,,, but i also have tried so many new things this summer and i want to do all of them all the time too! 

i made this post specifically to talk about all the media i have been meaning to absorb lately because I can't really bring myself to do it for some reason. i think I am just like,,, tired and overwhelmed, and all i can do is mindlessly watch Gossip Girl instead of doing all the things i want. today (aug 18) was especially hard because i awoke to a pounding and unsuspecting headache that distracted me from everything productive I could've done. I mostly just prepared food that didn't require an oven, not because i like cheffing it up but because I like chopping vegetables. the sound of a knife hitting the cutting board feeds me enough. anyways on to the point of this post. with pictures from pinterest so its not just a wall of text.

however as i began to write my lists of media, they sounded more like this:


"Movies:

the only movies I have watched this summer were on the 14 hour flights to and from japan. last summer i would watch like 8 movies a week (i find myself comparing this summer to last summer). some of the movies I want to watch most are..."


notice how idgaf about the movies and more about myself and my own problems! i think part of the problem here is that i am letting my summers lie back to back when they are entirely actually separate entities with their own thoughts and feelings. i think about how last summer i hung out with my best friend at least 3 times a week and this summer have seen that girl twice. i think about how i had enough pictures to fill gigabytes and gigabytes of storage, and this summer i can keep them all in a singular google drive folder. and as the weeks in august dwindle i wonder about how i have used summer this time around. 

ultimately, i am okay with this summer. this year i realized how perfectly placed my birthday is-- right in the middle of summer, the cranny between july and august, allowing me to live half of my summer as a sixteen year old and the other half as a seventeen year old. these halves fell very differently, and as I live through the second half I can't remember what it felt like to be in the first. and although I said i am overwhelmed, i mostly feel at peace. i feel like i am running to myself, and not from myself. i feel this intricately crafted solitude to be helpful, i feel myself being colored in. more on that later. but anyways, being submerged is mostly a good thing. I believe the worst thing that can happen is to be bored. and there are worst things to be overwhelmed with, way worse than writing essays and wanting to read too many books. even as I type this out I think: why didn't I just do that today?

maybe tomorrow. I say that all the time. and I am stuck in this perpetual motion of I have no time (2 weeks) and so much time (2 weeks). not to mention that I have the rest of my life to play with all the hobbies I've picked up, even if the next few months are going to be busy. i might just be typing all of this stuff up because I have not been on the grind the past couple days and I am feeling all crunched up. maybe if i write my schedule on a website I will follow it... here are my plans for tomorrow:


wake up at 9am

read on the subway

volunteer at the food pantry from 1030 to 2

eat lunch in the area

go home 

now we have a little choose-your-own-adventure because these things do not have an order to them

1. write the introduction to my research paper

2. edit the interview footage i took

3. send my portfolio to the organization I'm interviewing for

then finish off the night with a movie, or gossip girl, or i could finally finish one of those WIP songs. maybe even dump my brains out here again. i have more to say about all that media i was gonna talk about. 


so i end this long typing session with this: i love Gravity Falls. i really want to rewatch it in its entirety because of all the book of bill stuff and new lore dropping. that show is summer in a bottle, it reminds me of being thirteen and alone. those characters are like distant cousins and i want the family reunion. i always come back to you, escapism. but I guess that's the point. there's always something to run from.


welcome

welcome to robotics club

I don't know what possessed me to make a blog at 6:55pm on a thursday but I did. I didn't realize how much work it would take to mak...