11.23.2025

should i come back or leave forever

 it has been a really long time. i have another new computer that is how long it has been. i write this 70 miles from home in my college's singular library. it is 11am on a sunday and i am one of the few people here.

since starting college i have really creatively restricted myself even though i have so much to create. this is why i come back to blogger.com after like 10 months of abandoning it.

i am in a conundrum of sorts - i want to blog post about my art again so i have more motivation to make the art. but i can't decide if i should keep posting on this blog or start a new blog entirely.

there is so much history in this blog that i never thought anyone would see, i don't know if i want anyone to see it. if i made this more public and actually shared this blog with people then are my secrets revealed? it feels like getting a papercut in the same place u already have a scar. its closed and irrelevant now, but the knowledge of people potentially seeing it feels like im opening it up ever so slightly. i don't know what to do.

on one hand i love this blog, i feel like it is betrayal to start a new one, to not be robotics club anymore. my youtube is robotics club! my bandcamp too! i can't leave this identity behind.

on the other hand maybe a fresh start is good. i don't feel the way i did when i made this blog way back then. i feel completely different. also i am actually in a robotics club now, so i feel like its kind of confusing. maybe just for me.

the third option is to wipe this blog and restart with the same website name. maybe a fourth option is to just use a different website? 

i don't know i don't know. i need to explore my options and the blog archives and decide what i need to do. i don't know.

mj lendy concert i went to. 


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