theres smth about returning to the ocean

I would never do anything to hurt you / i know. that's why i was so surprised

-5.26

mays

Something about my camera lately has been kinda blurry foggy unclear and idk why! Maybe it was the lack of green and an influx of gray. If I compare to my pics from a year ago it all feels different but maybe I just miss a year ago:

Spring of 2022 I miss you a lot... I miss everything about you. My hair has gotten longer and my senses have gotten shorter.

cupid and psyche

Cupid and Psyche, plaster sculpture

Antonio Canova, 1794

I saw this at the Metropolitan Museum of Art today. I wish I took a picture of it myself, but I was with someone and I was a little bashful of my interest in this sculpture. It also felt too intimate to stick my iPhone into. Here is a close-up of the prime version in the Lourve, made of marble (the Met has the second model):

I read the story of Cupid and Psyche after seeing this. It mostly comes from the Metamorphoses by  Lucius Apuleius Madaurensis (or Platonicus) from the 2nd century AD, but has a lot of different interpretations. The story basically goes like this:

Psyche was a beautiful princess who was often compared to Aphrodite (Venus in Roman mythology). Aphrodite was displeased and sent her son Cupid (also known as Eros/Amor) to make her fall in love with something ugly. Instead, he pricks himself on his arrows and instantly falls in love with Psyche.

Psyche's father suspects that he has displeased the gods because Psyche is still unmarried. The oracle of Apollo tells him that she must be sacrificed to a monster as a wife. When she is awaiting the monster, a wind god Zephyr brings her to a lavish palace where Cupid takes care of her. However, Cupid doesn't allow Psyche to see him, as his godly form may harm her. He only visits her in the darkness and she accepts this lifestyle. 

Psyche's jealous sisters come to visit her and are struck with jealousy when they see her luxurious home. They drive distrust into Psyche, urging her to find out her husband's true form and seeing if he is a terrifying monster. One night, Psyche brings a lamp and a dagger to Cupid in the dark in an attempt to see his form and kill him. Instead, she sees the beautiful god that he is and basically freaks out. He freaks out too and flies away, dropping her off by by a river.

Psyche wanders from temple to temple looking for divine help, but realizes she can only be helped by Aphrodite herself. Aphrodite puts her through torturous trials. First, Psyche is expected to sort an abundance various grains and seeds into piles, but she is helped by a colony of ants. Second, Psyche is sent to cross a river to collect golden wool from sheep belonging to Helios (god of the Sun). She intends to drown herself, but receives godly advice to collect the wool snagged on nearby bushes. Third, she is sent to gather water from the Styx and Colchis rivers but falls into despair. Luckily, Zeus (or Jupiter) takes pity and sends an eagle to get the water for her.

The final trial is traveling to the Underworld and capturing the beauty of Proserpina (queen of the Underworld/Persephone) in a box. Psyche is overwhelmed by despair again and tries to throw herself off a tower, but suddenly the tower begins to give her advice in travelling to the Underworld. Essentially, the tower says to not make eye contact with anyone and pay the ferryman of the Styx fairly. 

She follows the instructions and Proserpina grants her this gift. However, when Psyche reaches the land of the living, she can not help but open the box. When she does, she falls into a deep sleep. Cupid finds her asleep and sends her to Aphrodite with the box. Meanwhile, he argues to Zeus that Aphrodite is being unjust with these trials and the other gods agree. They all invite Psyche up to Olympus and give her ambrosia, which grants immortality. Cupid and Psyche have a daughter named Voluptas (the goddess of pleasure) and live happily together forever.

I actually love that story. After reading and translating Vergil's Orpheus and Eurydice story (the Georgics), I can almost see it as a happier version. Psyche and Orpheus are incredibly similar. Both travel to the Underworld for their lover. Both can not resist looking at what they aren't supposed to, whether it be a box or Eurydice in the Underworld or Cupid in the dark. Both are shown pity by divine beings. Psyche got lucky with Zeus' verdict and got to live a happily ever after. Orpheus did not.

There's also the obvious parallel to Heracles, as he was also put through trials and tribulations by a goddess. However Psyche is not portrayed as a mighty warrior or wise hero. Instead, she gets a lot of divine assistance and tries to kill herself three times. 

I also liked the charm of this story. How does Psyche just accept not knowing what her spouse looks like? Why does a colony of ants help her with her task? Why is there a talking tower? Why does it know so much about the Underworld? After Psyche becomes immortal, she is known as the goddess of the soul, which is so sweet. I would like to be a symbol of the soul. 

When looking for other depictions of them, I noticed a lot of the artwork showed Cupid as a winged baby and Psyche as a pregnant woman, which is not entirely comfortable to the modern eye. However, these other pieces do not, and are so beautiful that I must share them too:

^Amore e Psiche by Giuseppe Crespi (1707–09)

^Cupid and Psyche by William Page (1843)

^Cupid and Psyche by Edvard Munch (1907) 

TLDR: I fell down the rabbit hole of Cupid and Psyche. I stayed up way too late on this.

consumption

This whole week i have been thinking entitrely bloggable thoughts, but I come here to mu computer now and I am at a loss of words. The keys are asking me what I even mean. I have no new verses of substance, no new pictures taken. I only have the remnants of ideas from last week and they don't really matter right now! So instead I think I will be doing a media dump of everything I've consumed last week. I've been reading a lot more and I think it is genuinely improving my life. I love consumption.

Books

I already wrote on here about Pandora's Jar and I haven't read it all that much lately, but I will say I love the Medea chapter and was not that impressed with the Eurydice chapter. Maybe I just love Medea more than Eurydice. But the Eurydice chapter was more about Orpheus than anything. And while it did expose me to more Orpheus media like Orfeu Negro and various Orpheus operas, it was not an actual exploration of Eurydice's character faults. The rest of the book looks promising though. I also enjoyed the Phaedra chapter. I had never heard her story until now. It makes me want to read every myth ever.

I had to read Inherit the Wind by Jerome Lawrence and Robert Edwin Lee, for English class, and actually really liked it. I secretly love reading plays but I also feel like it's a waste of money to buy them because so much of the page is blank. Inherit the Wind was just surprisingly fun. 

Lastly, I have been listening to the audiobook of Portrait of a Thief by Grace D. Li. I am an audiobook defender at heart. I'm like 80% through it and I have to say, I wish there were more thieves and less portraits. It's mostly a character study of 5 very similar characters and less of a heist story, as it was advertised. I have no more to say about this right now. I don't like books where the protagonist's biggest struggle is "being too perfect".

Movies/TV

I saw Challengers (2024) last Friday and I think it is the best movie I've seen all year. Or at least my favorite. There is way too much to say about it in one paragraph. But shortly, so I don't ramble: we need more homoeroticism in media. Let the people know. 

I started watching Suits. Because after Inherit the Wind gave me a longing for more legal dramas. I think movies are good for me but TV is not. 

Music

I bought 2 CDs this week: Nocturne by Wild Nothing and Midlife: A Beginners Guide to Blur. I am also a CD defender at heart. Physical media 4 lyfe. These are both very summery records and I love them. I spend more money on CDs than I spend time listening to them. I bought a new walkman to try to make up for it.

My SOTW (linked at the bottom of the page) is currenly Killer Whale by Boyscott. I'm noticing I love short and sweet songs. This song is the sweetest. I'm also noticing I love songs about home. This song sings:

Just promise me you'll be here when I get back // I swear I will be here when you get back // home

This may be a subconscious little trick on my part. I think home is secretly on my mind. I am at home, but some other people aren't. I did buy a copy of Emily Wilson's Odyssey last weekend. Maybe a poem/verse/vague paragraph will be coming soon.

🤖🤖🤖

I think I need to start writing shorter stuff. Posting little writings. Even just posting my favorite works by other people. I'm going to the Met this week, so maybe I'll have some material then. 

weekly update

its been a week! what have i been up to?

First, I've been reading. I finished The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller and started Pandora's Jar by Natalie Haynes. I really liked The Song of Achilles and how immersive it was in the classical world, so much that I knew I had to pick Pandora's Jar back up. Pandora's Jar is a series of short essays exploring women of Greek myth. I read half of the essays last year, but I'm reading it again because since then I have learned so much more about Greek myth. I was especially excited to read the Eurydice and Medea chapters after reading Medea by Euripides and translating the Georgics by Vergil. I could write a lot about The Song of Achilles but the most I will say right now is that I probably would have liked it more if I hadn't translated Book 22 of the Iliad and wasn't enrolled in that Greek class in general. It inhibits my enjoyment because it makes me nitpicky. I want to just enjoy it raw and unknowing.

Second, I've been writing? Today I drafted a new song that I'm titling Motherboard as of right now. It's about knowing people who don't seem human but you really really want them to be. The melody needs some work, so maybe take this verse as a poem or something instead:

words in a voiceover scream

you're not part of this machine

not the mother of the board

not the power to the cord

Of course it has robotic elements. this is robotics club after all. maybe I've been heavy on the motherboards lately but I just love them. 

Third, I've listened to some music! Recently I've listened to the album Masterpiece by Big Thief in CD form because I just bought it and was too excited to wait. I love Big Thief and it truly is a masterpiece. My favorite song on the album is currently Humans or Animals. I also listened to To Pimp A Butterfly by Kendrick Lamar last nite. I listened to it because my little brother loves it and I love my brother. And I can't lie, this Kendrick vs. Drake beef has piqued my interest in Kendrick. It was such a journey of an album, it genuinely felt like watching a movie. My favorite songs are probably Wesley's Theory for the jazz and King Kunta (it's my brother's favorite) and i. 

Lastly, I took some flicks. Not many. This week will be more prosperous. 

I'm planning on making a collage for a mixtape this week, so if I complete it I will be sharing. Also I have the strong urge to write poetry lately so maybe I'll make some of that. Until next time. 🤖